I've been admitting to close friends in the past few weeks how right now is pretty sweet. I don't have to worry about baby crying, pooping, being hungry. I know he's there and he's taken care of, though I'm sometimes uncomfortable, its a pretty sweet deal at the moment.
Last night though, I had another vivid dream. And I didn't want to wake up from it.
My baby was here, and we were home with him.
He was SO tiny! So so so tiny!
The strange parts of the dream was my constant inability to keep track of him. I would set him down and Travis would move him without me knowing, and then I'd go to pick him up and panic-frantically looking everywhere. Then Travis would calmly walk over to wherever he had moved him (I remember a drawer) and pick him up and bring him to me. I'd try to feed him, but Charley was having a hard time eating. Which also made me almost hysterical thinking my baby was starving (he was already so SMALL!).
Despite these "challenges" in my dream, I woke up finally ready to have this baby out and in my arms. I don't care what inconveniences life with this kid will bring, how much he cries, how sleep deprived I get, I love him! That baby in my dream was so sweet, and I just couldn't imagine anything happening to him, or him not being with me. I thought these last few weeks before he enters this world was going to be a breeze and go too fast, but time has suddenly slowed down and I just can't wait to have him here.
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Birthing Class
We did it, we went to a birthing class, and I'm glad we did.
Theres this hip squeeze that I know is going to be fantastic. It works by having the labor partner squeeze the upper crests of the pelvis together thus opening and relieving some of the pressure on the lower pelvis where baby is trying to push through. When Travis learned how to do it, I didn't notice the change right away and wasn't so sure about it, but when he released the pressure and my pelvis took the pressure back on, oh my goodness I wanted him to start squeezing my hips again. Big difference noted that way.
Anyways, it was all just very informative and I think helped me formulate exactly what some of my questions and expectations are. I'm not scared of needles or anything, and medical procedures are perfectly fine by me, no real qualms with traditional medicine here, I just, really really really want to do this as naturally as possible. I'm a little anxious for my appt later this week because so far baby has not been head down, and in my heart I know that a breech delivery is not a very safe option, and that I would end up in cesarian, and though that is a fine way to go, I just really don't want to (expensive, more challenging recovery, major abdominal surgery....). So, say a prayer for me and baby that he gets head down. :)
Theres this hip squeeze that I know is going to be fantastic. It works by having the labor partner squeeze the upper crests of the pelvis together thus opening and relieving some of the pressure on the lower pelvis where baby is trying to push through. When Travis learned how to do it, I didn't notice the change right away and wasn't so sure about it, but when he released the pressure and my pelvis took the pressure back on, oh my goodness I wanted him to start squeezing my hips again. Big difference noted that way.
Anyways, it was all just very informative and I think helped me formulate exactly what some of my questions and expectations are. I'm not scared of needles or anything, and medical procedures are perfectly fine by me, no real qualms with traditional medicine here, I just, really really really want to do this as naturally as possible. I'm a little anxious for my appt later this week because so far baby has not been head down, and in my heart I know that a breech delivery is not a very safe option, and that I would end up in cesarian, and though that is a fine way to go, I just really don't want to (expensive, more challenging recovery, major abdominal surgery....). So, say a prayer for me and baby that he gets head down. :)
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Freeze Tag
So, before I forget, I have to share. Its pathetically hilarious.
Last night at 4 am I woke up crying. Crying. And though I knew it was a dream, it still really hurt. And my crying woke Travis up. Baby must've been kicking me, but I don't remember him moving much, I just remember my dream, vividly.
Poor Travis must've been so confused, I just started whimpering.
In my dream, my Sister Robin and I and a few others were playing some strange form of freeze tag. She was it, and I was the closest to her. I was pregnant in my dream, and we was out to tag me. I was getting away, and she didn't like that, I had to freeze-and she got just close enough to poke me hard, a long pointy finger jab in my side, between my ribs and my baby bump. It hurt SO bad, and she kept digging in. I started whimpering-hurt that she would hurt me, and scared that my baby was hurting, and in some genuine serious pain. So, I started whimpering out of pain and betrayal, and then I realized I was awake and whimpering in real life. And though the pain was subsiding with reality getting less and less fuzzy, I couldn't stop. My whimpers turned to soft sobs, and that's when Travis woke up and asked what was wrong. Still feeling sensitive from the "jab" that I now understood must have been the baby, but hurt from the dream, I just softly sobbed out my sad story, of "Robin...dream...tag...poked me" and cried harder. "It really hurts"
Bewildered, he put it together and laughed, and assured me "Do you know who was poking you?" ....**more sobbing**...."Charley"....
and he chuckled and I tried to laugh/cry and calm down as a wave of re-flux made me sit up. Travis gently rubbed my back and I readjusted some pillows. I laid back down to try and sleep.
****Several hours later****
"Hello????....We're here!"
uhhhh....
I hear the shower running and barely start to realize that Stefani and Ashton are here.
Travis in the shower
I overslept.
She has to get to work
its 8:30!
So I shout back, "Hi! Just a minute" and search for my robe.
Stumbling out of my room unable to open my eyes all the way I apologize and excuse my grogginess with my 4am adventure. She laughs and excuses herself, I wobble back to my room to find some clothes, Travis is done with his shower-time to snarf down some cereal and drive him up to campus for his work day.
Last night at 4 am I woke up crying. Crying. And though I knew it was a dream, it still really hurt. And my crying woke Travis up. Baby must've been kicking me, but I don't remember him moving much, I just remember my dream, vividly.
Poor Travis must've been so confused, I just started whimpering.
In my dream, my Sister Robin and I and a few others were playing some strange form of freeze tag. She was it, and I was the closest to her. I was pregnant in my dream, and we was out to tag me. I was getting away, and she didn't like that, I had to freeze-and she got just close enough to poke me hard, a long pointy finger jab in my side, between my ribs and my baby bump. It hurt SO bad, and she kept digging in. I started whimpering-hurt that she would hurt me, and scared that my baby was hurting, and in some genuine serious pain. So, I started whimpering out of pain and betrayal, and then I realized I was awake and whimpering in real life. And though the pain was subsiding with reality getting less and less fuzzy, I couldn't stop. My whimpers turned to soft sobs, and that's when Travis woke up and asked what was wrong. Still feeling sensitive from the "jab" that I now understood must have been the baby, but hurt from the dream, I just softly sobbed out my sad story, of "Robin...dream...tag...poked me" and cried harder. "It really hurts"
Bewildered, he put it together and laughed, and assured me "Do you know who was poking you?" ....**more sobbing**...."Charley"....
and he chuckled and I tried to laugh/cry and calm down as a wave of re-flux made me sit up. Travis gently rubbed my back and I readjusted some pillows. I laid back down to try and sleep.
****Several hours later****
"Hello????....We're here!"
uhhhh....
I hear the shower running and barely start to realize that Stefani and Ashton are here.
Travis in the shower
I overslept.
She has to get to work
its 8:30!
So I shout back, "Hi! Just a minute" and search for my robe.
Stumbling out of my room unable to open my eyes all the way I apologize and excuse my grogginess with my 4am adventure. She laughs and excuses herself, I wobble back to my room to find some clothes, Travis is done with his shower-time to snarf down some cereal and drive him up to campus for his work day.
On the bright side, I realized at 4 am that Charley is indeed what I want to name my baby. We've been planning it all along, however, I often find myself unable to call him Charley. I've resorted mostly to calling him baby. "When baby comes" "Baby will just sleep in our room in the beginning anyways" "Kendra painted baby's room" "Baby is awake" "Baby is dancing" "Baby is kicking"
In all these instances, I could totally have used the decided name, it just, seemed weird to say it. But, at 4 am, in my sleepy whimpering stupor, in reply to the question "Do you know who really poked you" He was Charley. And it felt right. I don't know why the name business has seemed like such an overwhelming task, but-now I feel secure about it. I Have a son, and his name is Charley. No matter what happens, he is mine, and I know who he is.
Thursday, January 2, 2014
And we meet another year
Welcome to 2014! I'm so excited!.
I've seen alot of people write on facebook one or two resolutions, with the comment that "normally" they don't like the whole idea of new years resolutions for some reason or other (along the lines of "I try to improve all the time" or "Nobody ever keeps them") and I'm here to say, I LOVE making resolutions.
First: Honestly, I'd like to say "I'm always trying to better myself" but lets be real. I'm not that great. I get lazy, I get distracted. New years is a great time for me to re-evaluate where I am, and what direction I want to go.
Second: I don't make vauge resolutions, and I don't make unrealistic resolutions. I make resulutions I know I have a fighting chance at acheiving. Maybe one or two or a few a pretty ambitious, and maybe I don't acheive all of them, but making the goals to strive for is what helps me progress, even if I don't nessecarily get to check it off, I usually start the process. And I feel better about my self for that.
Third: I write them down, and put them where I can see it. The year I was most successful at this, I actually accomplished alot. It went on a sticky note in my planner. Now that I carry a phone rather than a planner, I've written them down on a white board in my kitchen. Right next to the whiteboard calendar that I'm keeping my menu plan on-this way I look over there frequently out of nessecity.
So what are my resulutions?
I've seen alot of people write on facebook one or two resolutions, with the comment that "normally" they don't like the whole idea of new years resolutions for some reason or other (along the lines of "I try to improve all the time" or "Nobody ever keeps them") and I'm here to say, I LOVE making resolutions.
First: Honestly, I'd like to say "I'm always trying to better myself" but lets be real. I'm not that great. I get lazy, I get distracted. New years is a great time for me to re-evaluate where I am, and what direction I want to go.
Second: I don't make vauge resolutions, and I don't make unrealistic resolutions. I make resulutions I know I have a fighting chance at acheiving. Maybe one or two or a few a pretty ambitious, and maybe I don't acheive all of them, but making the goals to strive for is what helps me progress, even if I don't nessecarily get to check it off, I usually start the process. And I feel better about my self for that.
Third: I write them down, and put them where I can see it. The year I was most successful at this, I actually accomplished alot. It went on a sticky note in my planner. Now that I carry a phone rather than a planner, I've written them down on a white board in my kitchen. Right next to the whiteboard calendar that I'm keeping my menu plan on-this way I look over there frequently out of nessecity.
So what are my resulutions?
I'll put them here as well, so that I have a digital copy in case any childrens I watch decide to sabatoge my white board list. So without further ado, here's how I plan to live this year:
I resolved to read my scriptures and say my prayers daily. I've always always struggled with this. I feel like this year, I have the right motivations to get it done-I love my Heavenly Father, and I am thankful for the great blessing I am welcoming into my life this year. I want to be the best mother I can be, I know that I will need Heavenly Father's help, and the influence of his spirit as I embark on this adventure, more so than I have ever or ever will need it. These two simple actions will make a world of difference. I know the promised guidance will come if I do my part to show Heavenly Father I'm engaged. (I also extended this resolution to the primary kids, and gave them a chart, you bet I'm going to hold myself accountable with that chart also)
I also want to become a freezer meal diva. This involves meal planning, time management skills, budgeting, and saving money/time in the long run. Things I know I desperately need more of.
I want to plant a garden-this was a desire last year as well, unfortunately come spring the condition of the garden patch I own was reveled to be much less desireable than I anticipated (rocks and sand and rediculounsness) So This year, I know what needs to happen, and I'm going to make raised beds. Don't steal my supplies though, I saw a MILLION pallets behind the new alcohol store while driving to the bank, and I'm really really hoping they will be up to giving them away for my raised bed project. Haven't decided yet If I'm going to start a compost to go with the garden or not. It'd be a good idea-but like I said, maybe a bit too ambitious. One step at a time.
I want to walk everyday. I'm having a baby, and this is something I know I can do to stay active. Also, the plan is to try to get Travis to walk everyday with me, even if it means for just a 5 min lap around the building he works in. I think it will be good for both of us to drop what we're doing, take time to move, and enjoy eachothers company. So far, I'm late on this one, but I'm justifying it with the 3 1/2 hr dance workshops I've been teaching. So, Travis is the slacker here-haha.
I have others, and they're written on my board, but they're more housekeeping things. These are the top 4.
Happy New Year!
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