Q. When is the best time to get an epidural?
A. Right after you find out you're pregnant.
3 weeks Abdominal pain like your ab muscles are being ripped apart when you cough, sneeze, try to sit up. Midwife reassured me that all these changes happen so fast. So though you may not even know you are pregnant, our body does and it is getting ready to grow and stretch and accommodate your miraculous little parasite.
4 weeks. You'll feel different at that dance camp, it will lead you to take that test you promised yourself you wouldn't take until you had a cycle longer than 35 days. On day 27, you'll hold your breath hoping praying that peeing on the stick doesn't leave you feeling stupid and heartbroken once again. You will see two lines form and sit for a moment in disbelief. Remember, you are still sitting on the toilet-so you'll feel kinda ridiculous as a wave of emotions hits you all at once. Happiness, relief, fear, joy. These will all come out as tears, your face will get splotchy red, your eyes puffy. Trying to compose yourself won't work-trying to hide your face from Travis won't work, he's quick. So, next time-take the test when he's not home if you want to tell him in a cute fun way. Cuz your just going to blurt it out in a rush of more sobbing emotion.
5 weeks, aside from continued abdominal pain, you won't feel much different this week. Except maybe in hindsight, you were kinda moody.
6 weeks, your gag reflex kicks into overdrive. You think well, I can handle this! And you go on about your day looking nice because you still have energy to stand in front of the mirror. Watch out because next comes:
7.5 weeks, Morning sickness hits seemingly out of nowhere. By no means of anything it will send you running and gagging to the bathroom where you will throw up, violently. Multiple times. Take a day to recover, just sit and suck on Popsicles and try to stay hydrated, and eat. Throwing up food is more pleasant than throwing up pure stomach acid.
8 weeks, Diarrhea. I was at a wedding reception, outdoors, felt bloated, cramp-y and uncomfortable. finding myself apart from the group, decided to relieve some pressure by unbuckling my pants and yeah, don't judge, passing gas. Quickly I realized there was going to be more than just air and I searched for an outhouse.....didn't make it in time. Thats right, I pooped my pants. I'm so glad my mommy was there with a swim cover up in her car so I could change and get home. BTW, hydrogen peroxide gets EVERYTHING out. EVERYTHING. Rearguard-less, they told me I would be constipated. They were right about that too, they just didn't mention I could randomly be anti constipated. This episode of diarrhea combined with the nauseea will cause you to chop off all your hair. Do it. You will not regret it. Short hair is very easy to take care of. Travis will follow you around for a few hours trying to get used to the change and admiring it as well, so, double bonus.
9 weeks, you'll see your baby on the ultrasound. You will cry, both with joy at the sound of the heartbeat, and with relief when you get to pee.
10 weeks, you'll lose your job. You'll feel miserable. That ultrasound will have you wondering what your baby will look like, this gem of a picture is in the closet of your old room at moms house. :) Between your cuteness and Travis' cuteness, this is going to be one adorable baby!
11 weeks, your supportive husband will feel the burden of the stress of providing for you and the child he helped put in your uterus. He may say something unkind about you being useless. He doesn't mean it. You may try to show him by cleaning that stinky bathroom from top to bottom, try not to overdo it. You'll feel sick the next couple of days and have to recover with you guessed it, crackers and popsicles. You may even start to not want popsicles. Try a new brand/flavor.
12 weeks. Second Prenatal appt. You'll cry your heart out at your midwife who will look at you with that sadness in her eyes. Realizing she's concerned about you, You'll have to reassure/convince her that you are not going to go mental, and that your crying is a good thing, because we know this about ourselves, that you are a cry and let it out person and move on. Be prepared for lots of cry and let it out moments. This week you'll also be really ready for real food. Hint, Japanese Curry, vegetables = good choices. Grapes will start out good, but don't be fooled. You'll throw them up along with that afternoons macaroni as your taking your little brother to gymnastics/preschool. My theory is your stinking uterus is bouncing around more noticeably on your insides. Get the Zofran.
13 weeks. Super gassy. Super constipated. Thanks progesterone for keeping my pregnancy going! Its okay to use miralax, and the nurse even reccomended some colace. Nice to not worry about poopy pants anymore..... But hey, last week of the first trimester and from here, you'll start feeling better! Trust yourself to go on that hike. I know you have hardly moved in the last 13 weeks if you could help it, but that hike up to the glacier will be fun, and you'll finally feel like you can do things. Its okay if you go the same pace as the gramas on the trail. Enjoy the Zofran. only 6 more months to go! Oh, and its time to buy a new bra. The correct size is going to shock you. You still have 6 months and postpartum hormones to look forward to. Yowza! Maternity clothes at this point will also feel great btw. You'll wonder why anyone would ever wear non maternity pants.
