Forget Me Not

Did you know life is good?

I hate to admit but the last little while until about Sunday, I've been kinda down. I was struggling at work-and so I'm still in "orientation" even though I've been there for over a month. That was probably the main reason-its hard to be happy when your best isn't enough. Anyways, then I got to listen to the RS broadcast. And there were three lines that turned my frown upside down.

First: Sis Silvia Allred reminded us that "The Lord will crown your efforts with success." We are not intended to fail in any of our endeavors. If I am keeping up my end of the covenants, and obligations I have made, God will help me be sucessfull in anything worthwhile I set out to do. Right now, I need his help at work. I need his help in mairrage, I need his help in my church callings and as I prepare for the future calling of Mother.

Next, she was followed by Sis Barbara Thompson who opened with the direction to "Lift up your heart and rejoice as you cleave to the covenants you have made with your father." Oy. I have made the nessecary temple covenants-the covenants that I longed for when I was single and studying family history. I have a wonderful kind hardworking husband that I am sealed to for eternity. With the help of the Lord, our mairrage is strong, beautiful, happy. What ever else happens, doesn't matter. We have the Lord and we have eachother.

Then, President Uchtdorf gave a beautiful parable of the forget-me-not flower. This has been everywhere, but as an Alaskan it had special meaning, because the beautiful forget-me-not flower I know is not forgotten. Here, it has a special place in our hearts as our beautiful little blue state flower. If a whole state can remember such a precious creation and recognize it as something of worth, God does notice us, and remember us and hold a special place in his heart for each of his little creations. There was something specific in Pres Uchtdorfs talk that helped me, he reminded us not to compare our worst traits with the best traits of others. Thats hard. But it makes a difference. You can read the rest of his message here.

Learning to Walk

So, I didn't get to go to the RS Broadcast yesterday, and I havn't yet had the oppourtunity to watch it (about to do that) but the uplifting message I read while Travis was fixing some church clerk computers was out of Brad Wilcox's book, "the Continuous Atonement." The part I loved was this:(yep, I'm sharing,m cuz sharing is caring.)

"little children don't learn to walk in a day. Between the time a child is carried in a parents arms and the great day when he is running on his own, there is a lot of hand holding, baby stepping, and falling. For a child to learning to walk, falling down may not be desireable, but the lessons learned from it are.

Similarly, before we came to the world, God knew we had progressed as far as we were able without any earthly expirience. He could no longer carry us by keeping us in his presence. It was time for his children to learn how to walk on their own. Thats why He lovingly placed us here--accross the room so to speak--and stepped just beyond our reach, all the while beckoning us to come. He knew the tumbles that awaited us. He knew the ups and downs ahead. That's why He planned for our older brother to hold our hands, lift us up, and guide us accross the room back to his outstreched arms. We left those arms crawling. We can return to them running."

Oh how I long to run. Sometimes it seems I'm constantly on my butt, and like running won't ever happen, but I know in whom I trust. And with Faith and work and patience, I have hope for that glorious day when I can run. That is all for now. I think I'm gonna try and watch that broadcast I hear so many wonderful things about.

Just a Kid with a 401 K

:-(

"When are we having the baby?"

My first thought was "huh? what baby?" then quickly it hit me, "oh, she is talking to me, and yes, she thinks I'm pregnant." So I replied so matter of factly, "oh we're not having a baby." As I said it, it echoed through my ears, and through my head and my thoughts and into my heart. A twinge of sadness crept back in. Just last night I started my period.

Its not that we are even trying to get pregnant yet, and its note like I've accidentally gotten pregnant or miscarried or anything. Just, I had missed a pill and there was the possibility for conception to have occurred, and that thought made me secretly happy amid some fear of unknown. The first few months of our marriage when I was still trying to figure out the right birth control, there was slight sadness at the start of my period but it was mixed with some PMS anxiety and then relief when my cycle started. This cycle, I was not relieved, I was kinda disappointed.

Yesterday I was chatting with Dr Steiner at one of the drug rep lunches, and as I was leaving he said, "ah your just a kid." Which I whole heartedly agree with, yet, that doesn't stop be from indulging and aiming for grown up goals. I replied therefore to Dr Steiner's remark with the excited exclamation "Yeah, just a kid with a 401k." I guess that sums up this point in life well. I may still have a lot to learn, a lot to experience, and a lot of energy and excitement for life, but I'm also preparing for the future. I was so happy to get Insurance Cards the other day. One for me, and one for my husband. My first question as I opened them was, "does this mean we can have a baby?" I may just be a kid, but I'm a happy kid headed in good directions. Who is there to stop me from being a kid while I make investments in things like 401k's and life insurance, health insurance, college degrees, professional certifications, and dreams of my own kids? Nobody. I like being a kid. I like being a big kid and I hope that the excitement and novelty of this crazy thing called life never dissipates. I know part of me is naive, but I have faith that letting this crazy thing called love loose can only bring good things and blessings to our lives.

As I see it, the great plan of happiness is essentially based on these family units, all which started with two kids who fell in love and then perpetuated that love by bringing forth children and with faith and hard work figured out the rest. But Grandma and Grandpa, essentially, they're just kids.