Just a Kid with a 401 K

:-(

"When are we having the baby?"

My first thought was "huh? what baby?" then quickly it hit me, "oh, she is talking to me, and yes, she thinks I'm pregnant." So I replied so matter of factly, "oh we're not having a baby." As I said it, it echoed through my ears, and through my head and my thoughts and into my heart. A twinge of sadness crept back in. Just last night I started my period.

Its not that we are even trying to get pregnant yet, and its note like I've accidentally gotten pregnant or miscarried or anything. Just, I had missed a pill and there was the possibility for conception to have occurred, and that thought made me secretly happy amid some fear of unknown. The first few months of our marriage when I was still trying to figure out the right birth control, there was slight sadness at the start of my period but it was mixed with some PMS anxiety and then relief when my cycle started. This cycle, I was not relieved, I was kinda disappointed.

Yesterday I was chatting with Dr Steiner at one of the drug rep lunches, and as I was leaving he said, "ah your just a kid." Which I whole heartedly agree with, yet, that doesn't stop be from indulging and aiming for grown up goals. I replied therefore to Dr Steiner's remark with the excited exclamation "Yeah, just a kid with a 401k." I guess that sums up this point in life well. I may still have a lot to learn, a lot to experience, and a lot of energy and excitement for life, but I'm also preparing for the future. I was so happy to get Insurance Cards the other day. One for me, and one for my husband. My first question as I opened them was, "does this mean we can have a baby?" I may just be a kid, but I'm a happy kid headed in good directions. Who is there to stop me from being a kid while I make investments in things like 401k's and life insurance, health insurance, college degrees, professional certifications, and dreams of my own kids? Nobody. I like being a kid. I like being a big kid and I hope that the excitement and novelty of this crazy thing called life never dissipates. I know part of me is naive, but I have faith that letting this crazy thing called love loose can only bring good things and blessings to our lives.

As I see it, the great plan of happiness is essentially based on these family units, all which started with two kids who fell in love and then perpetuated that love by bringing forth children and with faith and hard work figured out the rest. But Grandma and Grandpa, essentially, they're just kids.