Time makes you bolder

“Never too old, never too bad, never too late, never too sick to start from scratch once again.” -Bikram Choudhury. 

I must admit, I've had some trouble coming to write about this, so I went to the trusty internet to find quotes that are much more eloquent than me. This first one describes much of how I feel right now. Starting from scratch. I am Melanie. I am a wife, a Activity Days leader, and daughter, a sister, an aunt. A medical Assistant. 

A medical assistant without a job. 

“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.” -Andre Gide 

Its really scary, but also very liberating and such a relief. I was so excited when I had my chosen grad plan, and I felt so confident. I loved it. I was even more excited when I got my job, a 401 K, health benefits. It was everything I'd hoped for. Security. Good people, nice hours, some flexibility. I guess if I feel shameful its because it really was a great oppourtunity. There are so many people who look for work and can't find it. So many people struggling to make ends meet, and I resigned, willfully from such security. 

“Lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at you.” -David Brinkley 

MY first two months, if you read my blog then, you may recall were a little rough. In the ortho department, I was picking the rhythm of things up slowly. I was frustrated, the people I worked with were frustrated. They moved me to OBGYN. 

LOVED IT THERE.

And I was succesfull. 

New managing staff, new co-workers who didn't mind my bazillion questions. 

As I had left ortho one of my co-workers had said,

"Maybe this isn't the field for you." 

I showed her. 

I was able to recover there and learn some valuable skills. 

It was a bit of a sanctuary.

In February when my provider was transfered to a different department, I went out to venture on new paths. I was ready. They used me in several departments as a fill in until one provider in Dermatology specifically requested me to stay with her. I really enjoyed working with her, and accepted the position. I was doing great. Not the field for me? Ha!

Then that co-worker became manager over my department. 

:-(

Suddenly my work wasn't enough. 

I was either doing something wrong or not doing something right.

“By changing nothing, nothing changes.” -Tony Robbins

So I resigned.

They told me I had problems prioritizing.

I realized they were right.

My goal to become a medical assistant was important. My acheiving that was important. Getting some expirience was important.

But Travis and I have other goals which are more important.

My "career" wasn't getting us closer to those goals.

“All our dreams can come true – if we have the courage to pursue them.” –Walt Disney

“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it’s time to pause and reflect.” -Mark Twain

I've felt like I have to justify myself. I was in an environment where everyone there has their career and their family. I want my family to be my career. That's hard for them to understand, most of them get it when there are children in the picture, but Travis and I have not experienced that blessing yet. So, hence the feeling like I have to justify my choice. To them I say, Travis is my family. We may not have children, but we have eachother. If what I really want to be is a homemaker, children or no children what different does it make? Heaven knows I need some time to practice before children are added to the equation! 

“As soon as anyone starts telling you to be “realistic,” cross that person off your invitation list.” –John Eliot

So I'm just letting you know that this is my choice. Its interesting that this all came about in the midst of my preparation for a talk at church on the topic of agency, or choice. I've found as I reflect, that in our choices, we have joy. I will more greatly appreciate this opportunity because I know that of my own free will and choice, this is how I want things to be. Its not because our family grew and childcare was too expensive, or whatever reasons people use to justify staying home. It is because I want to put my families needs first. 

I always wanted my education and career for the purpose of security. My dad passed away when I was 8 yrs old. My mom went back to school full time and became an accountant. That was rough. For her, for me, for my sisters. A career that allowed me security and peace of mind in case unpredictable circumstances arose was therefore very important to me. I've met my goals, and I've acheived that. Its scary to think I'm not going to be in the workforce for some time, but CS Lewis here sums it up for me nicely:

“Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.” 

I'm so thankful for Travis and his support.