"I know how to repent, but this time, I didn't do anything wrong."
My friend said this to me the other day-she has got an unimaginably painful trial going on right now.
I've been in that dark place before.
And then I found my way out.
A priesthood blessing started the change for me. In it, Heavenly Father told me that "these trials come for one of two reasons. Either by transgression, or as an oppourtunity for growth."
With that insight, and knowing that I had not transgressed, a bit of the burden lifted. And I looked heavenward. What was I to learn from this? I looked in the scriptures. I searched the words of the prophets (we had a topical quote book-full of remarks from the prophets and apostles). I started filling my world with their comforting words. The burdens and sorrow I felt were not gone, but they were bearable. My own cross to bear.
Eventually, I had the epiphany that turned it all around.
Marla Lowder was speaking in church-and she read Alma 5: 26-27. After which, she asked a question. This question perplexed me more than the scripture so much, but what she asked was;
"Are we Humble enough to forgive our tresspassers?"
I thought about it alot in the following days and week. I prayed about it. And finally, after considering it for some time, I realized this:
Not forgiving the injustices which faced me would be like telling my savior that his atonement wasn't good enough.
Consider this, Christ paid the price already.
In the garden, he suffered the hurt I was feeling.
He knew what it was to be blameless and yet he took the blame.
He knew what it was like to suffer even though he didn't do anything wrong.
For me to continue in my grief and feelings of sorrow was too say to the Savior,
"You don't know what I'm going through.
Your sacrifice doesn't make up for what I've been through."
How prideful was I?
Though it took some time to completely let go of the hurt and anger and greif I was feeling,
My life was instantly lighter.
My trials were still there, but I knew I was not alone.
I could let go of the lonliness I felt.
I didn't have to be the martyr.
I have very poignant feelings and understanding now of the scripture found in Matthew 11: 28-30: where the savior says:
"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Take my yolk upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly of heart:
and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
For my Yolk is easy, and my burden is light."
His yolk really is easy. His burden really is light. All it took was for me to understand my place and the role of the savior in my life. Even though I had done nothing wrong, I had a change of heart. A new resolve and understanding of life. Trials come and trials go. As Sue Hull always says,
"Life is hard and then you die."
What will I do with my time here on earth becomes the daily battle. If "Men are that they might have joy" don't you think God would want me to make the most of the trials that come my way? How do I do that? "Come what may and Love it" is a start.
I also try to follow the counsel of Gordon B Hinckley when he said,
"Cultivate an attitude of Happiness.
Cultivate a spirit of optimism.
Walk with faith,
rejoicing in the beauty of nature,
in the goodness of those you love,
in the testimony which you carry in your heart concerning things divine."
Sure does help.
No comments:
Post a Comment